I'll do what I want

This anxiety can make me immobile. It has something to do with the in between of deciding weather to take flight or just fight. I freeze and I literally just wait for that moment that it just clicks. But sometimes it never clicks so i get stuck neither taking flight nor fighting. If I flee then I feel weak. And if I fight I feel like an asshole. I can't win. I think I need more confidence to do what I feel is best. I waste a lot of time considering how my actions will be perceived by others. Why do I yearn for the validation of others so often?

I cause my own conflicts about 90% of the time.

I'm sick of having this conversation with myself. I'll do what I want.